My December
by Ninny-na
Summary: Hayner looking back on his life with Seifer. Wondering if it was really worth it all. Oneshot with alternate endings. :D
1. Livin The Lie

Title: My December.

Rating: T

Pairing: Hayner/Seifer. Implied Hayner/Roxas.

Disclamer: I do not own Hayner, Seifer, or Roxas. They belong to Sqeenix. Or whatever... Or the song My December. That belong to Linkin Park.

Or, whoever.

Summary: Hayner being all emo. Remenising on his life with Seifer.

OneShot.

Roar.

--

_This Is My December._

_This Is My Snow Covered Home._

_This Is My December._

_This Is Me Alone..._

Cold...

Slowly Hayner lifted his head, glancing towards the sky. The crystal snowflakes were slowly falling. Settling on his nose, his toque, the frozen pavement of the bridge behind him.

He closed his eyes; lashes meeting together in perfect harmony.

He felt the small, ridged icicles melt. The water sliding slowly down his cheeks.

He smiled, and opened his eyes; looking towards the blinding light of the sun, that was hiding behind the gray clouds of winter.

**"The tears I've never cried..."** he whispered into the wind.

Hayner sighed, and brought his head back down. Little white dots blurred his vision; making him incoherent. He blinked several times to clear his sight.

Then Hayner yawned.

_And I... Just Wish That I Didn't Feel_

_Like There Was Something I Missed._

_And I.. Take Back All The Things I said To You._

Hayner's thoughts drifted... to him. Seifer. -Nowadays, it took only a name to make him lose control.- He growled, something inside him snapped. His fist curled in anger and was sent crashing into the frigid metal of the railing he sat on.

His thoughts were now full of rage. Their voices filled his head. Tauting him, pushing him, just waiting for him to snap.

_"Seifer? He's just using you,"_

_"Seifer doesn't love you,"_

_"Did you think he actually cared about someone like you? Hah!"_

Tears now burned at the edges of Hayner's chesnut brown eyes. He shook his head, trying to clear them. His blonde hair, that was usually spiked, was now limp. Dead, lifeless.

**"Why did I ever say yes to you?"** Hayner questioned himself. **"Why did I ever say 'I love you'?"**

_This Is My December._

_These Are My Snow Covered Dreams._

_This Is Me Pretending,_

_This Is All I need..._

Hayner was sick of it.

Sick of all of it!

The pretending: Seifer ALWAYS pretending nothing was going on. Hayner pretending he believed him.

The lies: Seifer never told the truth. It was one lie after the other. Hayner was SWIMMING in a pool of lies!

_'Where are you?'_ "Rai's house." _-Yeah right-_

The snow covered dreams: Hayner had a little dream... He had always hoped, that one day, he would make a breakthrough. That mayber, just maybe, Seifer would open up to him. Tell him how he feels, tell the truth! And even tell him he loved him. Instead of calling him "Mine'. Instead of being called an object.. A person. That he wouldn't be so damn infuriating all the time! That maybe Seifer could actually smile at him; instead of sneer.

But, that would bever happen.

Those were the dreams in the box of broken dreams. In the closet of shattered memories.

_And I... Would Give It All Away_

_Just To Have Somewhere To Go To._

_Give It All Away..._

_Just To Have Someone To Come Home To._

Hayner didn't know why he stayed with Seifer.

No, that was a lie. He knew why he stayed with that arrogant bastard.

He loved him.

He _LOVED_ that ignorant, selfish, CREEP.

And man, did he know it.

Thats why he stuck with him. Through the lies, the deceits, and the hardship.

Hayner let out a coughing laugh; that ended up more like a barking cough then a laugh.

Hayner stared at his shoes. Tears slipping out of his downcasted eyes. They slide soundlessly down his cheeks and pooled at the base of his chin.

Then fell -Hayner hadn't realized he had been leaning dangerously over the edge of the railing- crashing into the roaring river below.

An idea slipped into his head.

_This Is My December._

_This Is My Time Of The Year._

_This Is My December._

_This Is All So Clear..._

Hayner stood.

The wind tussled his hair, and whispered into his ears. Daring him.. Questioning him...

He rocked...

**"Hayner!"** a scream whipped thorugh the air, shattering the wall Hayner had put up around himself. He snapped his head to the direction of the voice... Wishing... Hoping...

Roxas was running towards him. When he had reached him, he doubled over, gasping for air.

**"Hey Roxas, whats up?"** Hayner tried for a casual conversation, but fell flat.

**"Don't you 'whats up' me!"** Roxas snapped, his cerulean blue eyes peircing his, **"I saw what you were going to do!"**

A small smile traced Hayner's lips; he laughed softly.

**"Do you know? Well. Are you going to try and stop me?"** Hayner was edging him on. Daring him like the wind had dared him.

Roxas's gaze softened, his eyes pleading, **"Please Hayner, don't do this!"**

**"Why not?"**

**"Why! Do you even know how many people you'll be hurting if you go thorugh with this?!"** His voice was becoming harsher.

Hayner shurgged.

**"I can't live this lie Roxas,"** Hayner said weakly.

**"Then don't! Break up with him! Leave him! Please! Just do something other then this!"** Roxas was near hysterics. He was pleading and on the brink of tears.

A pang of regret coursed through Hayner. He was whispering his next statment, **"I can't do that Roxas. I love him."**

The words came so easily; it surprised even him.

Hayner had turned away, so he didn't see the dejected look cross Roxas's face.

Hayner was tather oblivious to the feelings of those around him; especially those towards him.

A sigh escaped his lips, and he began to fiddle with his coat zipper.

**"Please,"** Roxas whispered, shaking his head, **"don't go through with this."**

His voice was so soft, so quiet, that it was almost lost in the whipping wind.

Roxas was so focoused on the ground, it had become rather interesting in these last few minutes, that he didn't notice Hayner un-zip his coat until the course material met him half way. Landing breezily on his head.

Startled, he glanced up, peering through the small opening of light the coat provided.

Hayner was grinning.

Grinning!

He was actually embracing death!

**"Win the Spring Struggle match for me, will ya?"**

Roxas only nodded at the last words he ever heard Hayner speak, before closing his eyes.

Before Hayner stepped off the ridge of the bridge; the ridge of life.

_And I... Would Give It All Away..._

**Splash**

The wind was now picking up speed. Whistling through Roxas's ears.

Then he broke down. Falling to the frozen pavemnet of the bridge. Heavey sobs rocked his body. His tears were soaking into the fabric of Hayner's jacket. The trmours were entering and leaving his body at whim.

Roxas's sobs were the only thing he himself could hear; they were loud, beating him in the ears. He didn't notice the loud clomping of Seifer's shoes till Seifer's bark cut through him; like a knife on skin.

**"Hey chicken-wuss, what the hell do you think your doing?"**

Roxas tears stopped; and his glare deepened. Growling, he stood, his posture was giving off vibes of 'dangerous, and angry'.

Seifer stepped back, startled at the sudden personality change, then glared. Their eyes met, and neither stepped down.

Seifer felt un-comfortable, never had he been challenged so fiercely. And when he had, the opposer usually stepped down.

Seifer shifted his gaze; not wanting to look at Roxas in the eye anymore.

Thats when his eyes focoused on Hayner's coat.

_'What is he doing with that!?'_ Seifer thought angrily. Then voiced it in words.

**"What the hell are you doing with Hayner's coat!?"** Seifer snapped angrily, gainging momentum, he stepped forward. Furious now, and become angrier with each passing second due to the look of emotion on Roxas's face. There was none.

**"Oh, I would tell you to go ask Hayner since i know you wouldn't believe whatever I said,"** - "Damn right." - **"but since he's not available anymore, I guess your stuck with me."**

_'What?!'_ a million thoughts coursed thorugh Seifers mind. His braing trying to unscramble the puzzle Roxas had just thrown at him, _'What does he mean? 'Not availible anymore'? The hell is he talking about?!'_

Through gritted teeth, Seifer growled, **"What the fuck are you talking about?!"**

Louder now.

**"Where is Hayner!?"**

Roxas glanced sideways, not at all effected by his outburst, at the roaring river below.

_'No...'_

**"Somewhere over there."** Was all Roxas said, pointing at the river, in the direction in flowed.

Something snapped inside Seifer. Part of him didn't want to believe, another part already knew.

He went with the side that didn't believe, he grabbed Roxas's coat collar forcfully and held him in the air, glowering.

**"Your fuckin' lying,"** He hissed out.

Roxas shook his head.

Seifer shook him, yelling, **"Then why didn't you stop him!?"**

Roxas's eyes suddenly looked desolated. He whispered, **"I couldn't..."**

Seifer felt something inside him break, crack...

**"No..."** he whispered, traitorous tears threatened to defy him.

Seifer yelled this time, **"No!"**

Then he threw Roxas to the ground and crumpled. He let out a wail, then ended halfway through, then smashed his fist into the concrete beside him. He was shaking his head while reapeating the word 'No, no, no, no, no!'.

Roxas quickly stood, not wanting to be by the man that had a reputation as hard and cruel boy, cry.

It pained him.

Roxas felt his own tears start to slide down his cheeks. His eye glanced down towards Hayner's coat. He gripped it tight, his eyes narrowing. He shook, not wanting to give it up, yet knowing he had to.

He let out a defeated sigh, and with mournful eyes, he placed the jacket over Seifer, and left.

Walking towards the Sandlot, tears streaming down his cheeks. Knowing the one he loved.

Was gone forever.

_This is all so clear..._

_--_

**...**

**SQUA.**

**Anyways. This is my ficcy where Hayner is being all grumpy-bumpy.**

**But, do not fear!**

**I shall write... AN ALTERNATE ENDING! WITH CHEESY GOODNESS! :D**

**And anyone is welcome to give me another idea for a alternate ending. **

**And if I like it.. It shall be put up! If this even works.**

**Read and Review please!**

**BTW: Criticism please, anything you think I should change, tell me and I'll work on it. :3**


	2. Alt Ending 1

A dejected look crossed Roxas's face, he opened his mouth to say something but the words died half-way. The pitter-patter of small feet shook him out of is daze. Roxas glanced and his eyes caught with Olette's.

Her eyes were wide; filled with pain and confusion.

Roxas darted over to Olette, reaching her in a few short strides.

"Go get Seifer," Roxas whispered to her. Olettes eyes were focused on Hayner, who was staring out at the river, but they switched over to Roxas's after hearing his directions. She nodded. Nothing else needed to be said.

They all knew. Hayner adored Seifer, sometimes, he was the only one Hayner would listen to.

-

Olette ran. The only thing she heard was the ragged breath escaping her and the pouding of her heart; it pulsed in her ears, as if telling her to hurry up.

Tears sprung to her eyes when she thought of Hayner standing at the edge of the bridge. So close to jumping... She wiped the them away in annoyance.

"Stop it!" she told herself quite harshly. "You have to get Seifer!" She almost brought tears to her eyes again, because of the tone she used on _herself._

Quickening her pace, reached the Sandlot quickly. She leaned over, onto her knees. She was gasping. All the air had seemed t have left her, if this was just a track meet at school, she would have laid down and waiting till her breath found her. But the image of Hayner leaning sickening over the edge sent her up and Olette's eyes scoured the area.

She spotted him quickly.

Seifer stood in his usual spot, with Rai and Fuu. His light blonde hair was contained by a black beanie. His eyes were a clody sky blue and a scar hung it self just above them. All across the ridge of his nose, and just above his eyebrow. It was jagged, the scar, like a double-edged sword with no handle. In many ways, Seifer was a sword.. With no handle, and no one to handle him...

Rai was a tall, buff man. With dark chocolate skin, and a report card that proved he would never pass Grade 9 English.

Fuu stood to the left of Seifer, she was a petite girl with silver hair tinted blue. She was also very quiet, resulting to one word answers usually when asked anything...

Olette sprinted over to them, her breathing still shaky. She felt Rai's and Fuu;s gaze latch onto her, their eyes narrowed; suspicious.

Seifer was looking at her oddly to, wondering _what the fuck_ she was doing.

"It's Hayner. He's at the bridge." Olette prayed she needn't say anything else. Seifer's eyes widened. Filled with confusion and a deep realization. Then anger. He rushed past Olette and she closed her eyes. Sending a quiet pray; to let them be on time.

"Please..." She whispered. "Let him be on time!"

-

Seifer's mind was furious with a million thoughts. Each and everyone begging to be turned into a question and answered. '_Why?'_ ,was one of them, _'What does he think he's doing?!'_ was clearly dominating. Even though it was already answered.

Seifer was beginning to notice a change in Hayner. He was becoming quieter, more secluded. He hardly smiled, and his appearance had also been taking a drastic change. He was thinner, face was gaunt. Hair was limp and eyes lifeless. '_Was I the cause of all of that?'_ Seifer wondered.

Seifer's pace was trialed, due to the fact that everyone kept out his way. It was times like these that he was glad he had a reputation that spoke for itself. He almost smiled.

Almost

_'Oh God, just let me be in time!'_ Seifer thought, angry tears burned at the edge of his eyes. He wiped them away, infuriated. A man of his stature didn't cry.

The image og his father standing before him when he said that when he was just ten years old, flashed through his mind. Those were the exact words he had told him.

Right before he killed himself.

More tears now. Seifer shook his head in annoyance.

_'Don't cry!_' Seifer told himself. '_Just fuckin' run!'_

Seifer made in two minutes, he glanced over the area. Seifer's eyes quickly focused in on the one person he wanted to see.

"Hayner!"

-

Hayney snapped his head in the direction in which he had heard Seifer's voice. The next few seconds were sorta blurred for him.

Have you ever snapped your head back, or to the side and a rush of sudden pain happens? The pain stays in the same spot, the base of your skull, but its horrid. Your mind becomes a muddle, you loose your balance and your visions blurrs. Your not able think, only moan and rock on the ground in pain, afer falling to the ground. Its like a headache, that comes all at once and stays for several minutes.

Thats how Hayner fell, he wasn't abel to keep his balance. If he had been able to focus, or think clearly, his mind might have said _'Oh.. I'm gonna die anyways...'_ or something to that effect.

But it didn't. Hayner thought of nothing as he plunged, he mind wondered vaguely what was happening when he felt a hand roughly grab his wrist and haul him over the edge of the railing. Hayner's mind had also cleared some when he realized he was being held against Seifer's chest as he heard his Seifer's ragged breath in his ear. He hardly recognized even that, The only thing he knew is that his head fuckin' hurt!

Hayner let out a soft groan, and snuggled closer to Seifer; just wishing the pain would go away. His mind still hadn't un-muddled itself when Seifer started yelling. Seifer pushed him up, roughly, into a sitting postion and yelled at him.

"What the fu.ck did you think you were doing? Why were you trying to kill yourself!" Seifer barked. Hayner tried to focus on him, for he had just regained some of his vision, and saw tears glisten at the edge of his eyes. Hayner whimpered,

"I'm sorry.. Sei-" a rush of pain attacked him, and he squinted his eyes closed, then took a shaky breath and finished, "-fer, but my head.. hurts... I did, did, something to it... Give me.. two seconds to re-find my brain..."

"Your gonna need more time than that. I think it's lost pretty fuckin' good." Seifer growled, but was quieter, and his tone had a edge of compassion. The words didn't exactly make sense, but Hayner got the just of it.

They sat, Hayner with his eyes squinted shut, rocking slightly in pain, and Seifer. Looking on in worry. Roxas had turned his gaze away from them. Not wanting to watch.

"Better now?" Seifer whispered to Hayner. Hayner nodded.

"Slighty."

"Good." he growled, having gone back to his normal tone, and slighty louder volume. "Now, would you mind telling me why the fuck you were trying to kill yourself?!"

Hayner was startled, why did he care? Why was he being so... Considerate and angry.. Or, something. Hayner just stared and said, "Why do you care..?"

Seifer's eyes widened, then narrowed, dangerously. If they had been standing, Hayner would have stepped back. But, seeming as he was sitting on Seifer... It didn't leave him much options, so he just let out a silent sqeak. He half expected Seifer tp push him away and snap something. Or start yelling, or even punch him! Not to do what he did.

Pulling him into a tight hug, that made Hayner's eye widen, he growled low into his ear, "Why do I care?" he hissed hotly into his ear, his breath warming Hayner's frozen ear. "Well, I don't know, maybe because of the fact that the one I love was two steps away from death!?"

Hayner was going to say something. But it felt stupid, to ruin this moment. Instead, he closed his eyes, snuggled close to Seifer and whispered a silent apology.

**-**

**TEH HAPPY ENDING. 3**

**Alt. Ending 1.**


	3. Alt Ending 2

**Title: My December**

**Rating: T**

**Paring: Hay/Sei**

**Disclaimer: I OWN THEM NOT!! **

**FOR TEH STRIPES. 33**

--&--

The tears continued to fall and the elder teen roughly wiped them away. Or tried to. They seemed to have froze due to the whipping wind around him. After a few minutes of desperately trying to discard the tears from his face, Seifer gave up. With a sigh, he placed his hand down, his gloveless fingers grazing over the rough surface of the pavement. Seifer's hand balanced him, making sure he didn't fall back.

Seifer dropped his head, having given up on the tears that continued to slide soundlessly down his pained face. Seifer didn't know what to think, what to _do. _He was just _so fucking_ **confused**.

Seifer slowly lifted his tear stricken face; barely noticing the jacket that covered him. He glanced sideways. From his position on the ground, all he really saw was the frozen metal of the bridge railing.

He narrowed his eyes and hissed out into the frosty air, "Like that did any good,"

Then he laughed.

It was a sudden, and dark laugh. He bent his head back and let it all out. The cries of pain mixed together with the laugh. Sounding like just a twisted laugh. If you would have happened to walk past Seifer has he sat, you would have thought him part wolf, howling at the moon. In a way, he was howling to the moon. The laugh being the howl, the moon was Hayner, _his_ Hayner, who had just left him so suddenly. He felt betrayed, like how the noble wolf felt when the moon slid over the horizon, disappearing for another day.

His laugh suddenly became a pained moan as Seifer fell, his hand slipping on the ground. His back met the pavement with a sickening thud. Then eerie silence took over the bridge.

If he had been able to feel anything, a soft cry of pain might have reached his lips. But, being Seifer, a twisted grin just found it's way to his face.

Beneath his head was his beloved Hayner's jacket. It had lost all it's warmth. Instead was just some cold piece of fabric, slowly losing all trace of warmth. Of Hayner.

Seifer's face contracted and he felt the rush of sorrow over take him and he rolled over and buried his face into Hayner jacket. Trying to absorb a small trace of warmth. Of _anything. _He started to mumble "Oh God.." over and over as reality came crashing over him. He finally fully realized that Hayner was gone. _GONE._ To the next life. The next world. Sucked into the never ending darkness that would suffocate you if one thought about it to much. And Hayner was dealing with that. _Alone._

The words "Oh God.." had now turned themselves into the words "Oh my fucking God..."

Seifer just couldn't take this. He sat up suddenly, blood rushed to his head, and blurred his vision; causing him temporary blindness. But that didn't stop him from releasing his anger.

His first curled and he rammed it into the frosted railing. A tingly sensation started at the tips of his knuckles and worked their way up his entire arm. Causing a pins and needles sensation. Seifer let out a small cry of pain as he slowly brought his fist away from it's painful encounter with the metal banister. As he leisurely back. Inspecting it for damage. No blood was seen, but his knuckles were bone white and swelling. He vaguely wondered if he had broke a knuckle or two.

A small smile twitched at the corner's of his mouth. '_Not like it matters_'.

While his fist was meeting up with the railing, Seifer's eyes had been grazing over the roaring river below him. He felt it tempting him. The rushing of the water seemed to be calling him. Beckoning him to come play with them...

"_Don't be scared. Hayner wasn't. Come play with us... Come play with us... Forever..._**" **

Seifer push himself up onto one knee. Then place his hurt hand gingerly on the cold road and forced himself to stand. The wind tussled the strays hairs not contained by his beanie. The hairs tickled his cheek. The wind grew in forced and pushed him forward. The world was telling him something. Their taunts repeated themselves in his ear. '_Jump, jump, jump..._'

The blonde teen grinned. Right hand clenching the black coat of Hayner's, left bracing himself on the railing. Casting a quick glance to both sides of him, checking if the coast was clear, he forced himself up and dove off the bridge. And everything he ever knew. Whatever awaited him didn't matter. Long as Hayner was there, he'd be fine.

One last smile found it's way to his face before his eyes closed and the cold water on winter surrounded him.

--&--

After the double suicide, speculation was put on Roxas. Everyone knew of his crush on Hayner, and the fact he was jealous.

Roxas was outraged to say the least, when questioned about it, he was angrily retort, "He was my best friend you fucking bastard!"

The families cried over the loss, and often wondered what was going through the minds of two teens before their life was tragically cut short.

Only two people know the answer to that.

And they're taking their secret to the grave.

END.

--

**I DID IT!!**

**AREN'T YOU HAPPEH?!**

**:DDDD**

**ANYWAYS. YEAH...**

**I KNOW I MADE IT SEEM LIKE SEIFER WAS OBSESSED WITH HAYNER BUT.. THATS JUST LOVE. 3**


End file.
